Midlife Crisis?

I did a random search for mid-life on the inter-webs and the first three results that came up were around crisis.

According to wikipedia a midlife crisis is “a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle aged individuals. Individuals may experience feelings of depression, remorse while others may experience feelings of youthfullness or make drastic changes to their current lifestyle or atomspere.” Middle aged being between 45-64.

I am solidly in mid-life, the numbers don’t lie.

But am I in a crisis and don’t know it?

I’ve certainly been reflective.

I’ve given a lot of thought to regret. There are things I’ll never get to do. There are things I wished I had not done. And few things I wished I had done sooner (by whole decades). And part of being reflective is finding peace around all those things.


But crisis? It doesn’t feel like a dangerous or calamtous moment.

And as for changes I hope to make a few, but it doesn’t feel drastic or urgent.  I do, however, feel determined.

It is more like a turning point and for now that feels good.

Let’s see what it brings!



Winter Running


Ah, it’s good to be back.

There is still snow on the ground, winter storm Jonas hit NYC with just over 25 inches of snow. It’s melting slushy mess out there.

Despite that I’m looking forward to when I can get back out there and run.

In the meantime, I’ll be running on the treadmill until the roads and park paths are a bit safer.

And I’ll be tackling Bikram yoga.  A friend invited me to a hot core yoga class and I loved it.  

I’m also training for a half-marathon and maybe come May I’ll do one. ;).


Just Running

What a world wind that last several weeks have been. There was a confluence of opportunities all having life altering consequences.  Choices need to be made that will make my life very different in big and small ways.
 Run it Out 2
And somehow, except for a two day break, I kept running and working out. That’s a new thing.  In the past, the minute something major happened or could happen, my workout schedule was the first to go, with good eating habits right on its tail.
Last week, I remember distinctly having a moment, where I didn’t want to run, I just wanted to go home and think and talk about it or better yet get in bed and read a good book.
Instead, I went for my run as scheduled. I didn’t have an epiphany while running, nor did I expect one, but I felt better. I felt better even though I didn’t exactly know how everything would turn out, I still don’t.
I’m doing my best to stick to my running schedule. I’m not pushing myself to improve my speed or go for long distances.
I’m just running.
I’m running to clear my head, to have a moment of quiet in-between the worry and decision making and to sleep better at night.

Running with Friends

This morning I did my favorite interval workout the – 30, 20, 10.  Well, it was my favorite. Today, it is hot and humid. Several times, I wanted to stop. I didn’t, but oh how I wanted to. I was out there with my friend O and she’s no joke. If you’re working out with O, you’re doing the workout as planned, weather be damned. She’s intense, it’s both glorious and annoying.friends

Did I mention it was hot and humid?

Then we jumped rope. We’ve been slowly building from 30 seconds to 1 minute sessions each.  I got to 45 seconds, she to 1 minute. We alternated jumping for about 3 minutes. Just when I’m about to whine again, about the weather, how many times we have to jump, she perfectly puts me in my place, “Oh, I didn’t know this was the E pity party workout session.”



I kept my mouth shut after that and jumped rope when my turn came up.

Don’t you just love those friends that know exactly how to check you?  O is absolutely dear to me for that very reason, she’s the among the first to say, amazing, if I’ve accomplished something and also among the first to give me a side eye, if I’m…not exactly behaving.

Not only are we friends we get to run together!

30 Seconds


30 glorious seconds.

That’s how much I’ve shaved off my pace.

The first time it happened I looked down at my running app on my phone and said, “Wait, what,” while trying not to smile.

The very next day I did the same work out. My initial thought that was a fluke, or my phone app was acting wonky. I took no chances, with that second run I turned on two of my running apps and although I felt a little sluggish the pace was about the same, with just a few seconds difference.

And with that I had a full on goofy grin.

Those weekly sprint workouts are working.  And I like, okay, okay LOVE, doing them. I love the way my body feels –the wind against me, the focus required, the quick movements of my arms and legs. I feel light as feather, boundless.

I’ve been doing intervals for months, almost weekly. I noticed a few times that my pace seemed to be improving – a few seconds here and there, but I didn’t want to get obsessed about it. I focused on feeling good about each run and running consistently.  And no doubt the cross training and deep stretching and yoga have added to my new found speed.

I’m thrilled to know it’s all paying off.

30 seconds! Yup, I’m smiling now.

I feel ambitious.  I’d like to shave another minute or more before the end of the year.

The key, for me, is to keep my focus on running consistently, cross training and stretching.  You know all those things every running article has ever said.


Day 40 of 100 days of 100 workouts.

Feeling Good

I’ve been keeping my training nice and light.

I’ve got a 5K at the end of October so I’ve kept my mileage low – 2 miles three times a week and if I can manage it 3 miles during the weekend. If I miss the weekend run I don’t stress.

In between those easy runs, I’ve been doing some interval training that involve all out sprints. My good friend and running buddy O. usually dictates the length and repititons of the intervals. Sometimes I do what she says, most times I give her the side eye and adjust accordingly.  What I don’t often tell her is how much I Iove those darn sprints.

CaptureAnother friend told me about the a new interval program called 30, 20, 10 featured in the New York Times – jog for 30 seconds, run for 20 and sprint for the last 10.  With a little search on the interwebs I found the timer.

What’s been fascinating for me about this is the 20 seconds. I know what the 30 seconds of jogging looks and feels like – a bit like running through molasses. The sprints feel like I’m flying, but the run, the run is interesting. It’s faster than my jog and way slower than a sprint.

That run place is nice.

I’m breathing heavy, but I’m not winded. I’m aware of how my legs and arms are moving and I’m hyper aware of my breathing without feeling panicky.

Yesterday, as I did my nice easy run I noticed that I was definitely moving faster and that I wasn’t struggling, that I was actually enjoying my run.

Later on I’ll track my pace.  Right now I want to run without obessing about speed.

Now that’s progress.

Goals and Rules

A colleague suggested I do another half-marthon this October.

Sometimes I think yes, then no, then yes again. I’ve finally settled at no (for now).

thinking-clipart-KingzdE5TWhat I loved about my last half-marathon was the actual training with my friends. The race itself was torturous.

I’ve decided to take a step back, to focus on shorter races where I can work on speed and a little endurance.

My speed is improving, but at a much slower pace than I thought or hoped.

In the meantime, I’m doing more stretching and yoga, which makes my body feel so very good. And I’m doing other exercises to keep my running body loose, limber and injury free.

The half-marathon and marathon, will have to wait, maybe another year or even two.

The goal is to build up to do three 3 mile runs during the week and 4-6 miles on the weekends.

And at the end of the month, I’ll re-evaluate, if I think I can successfully increase my mileage to include another half, I will.

I make up the rules in my running life, why not set them up so I succeed.

100 Days

I wanted to boost my workouts – the number and the variety. But I know that I would need accountability around this – saying and doing are two different things. I convinced my partner and some friends to start a challenge with me – 100 days of 100 workouts. We’re on day 12 and the streak lives on.

Rest days are ‘active’ rest days which means walking, yoga and strectching. The motto of the group is get up and move. There are six members with a variety of goals, but the thing we have in common is the desire to be more physcially active.

And I’m loving all the ways were moving – workout dvds, running, swimming, dancing, walking the dog, strength training, stretching and yoga have all been added to our repretoire.

I’m hoping to add spin, swimming, bikram yoga and maybe a little tennis.

Running remains my first love and my nemsis, but adding other exercises means less chance of getting and staying injured.

To that end, I thought I’d give a new machine a try. I’ve been eyeing the stair master for weeks, sizing it up. Can I do it? Should I do it?


Last Sunday the gym was almost empty and I was grateful for that. I was sure I was going to make a fool of myself and the less people actually saw me the better, I surmised.  Before walking up to it I said to myself, “Ten minutes, you can do ten minutes E, right?”  I reassured myself, that yes, I could do ten minutes, pssh, who couldn’t do ten minutes.  “As a matter of fact, not only could I do ten, I could do fifteen!” Oyi.

I took the giant step onto the first step and then the second.  I stood for a moment looking at the buttons in confusion as though they were in another language. The start button finally came into focus. I took a deep breath and hit start. It started at a very slow pace – level one, I pushed the button to level two. It felt like walking up a moving escaltor – not bad.  I would use it as my warm up.

At five minutes I was sweating. I hit the level up button to three and found myself easily out of breath after about one minute. Okay I said to myself, just another four minutes to go at this level and then back down to two. And then a woman got on the stair master next to me and with no hesitation went up to level six. She went about her workout going from level six to ten, several times. I gave her the side eye, not that she noticed, she was busy playing a game on her phone!?!

I just barely did the five minutes at level three. By then I was dripping in sweat. Finally, I could go back down to level two, whoosh!  When I hit the 15 minute mark I stopped and felt incredibly accomplished. I had apparently walked up over 300 stairs and burned 75 calories.

Yup, you read that right – 75 calories.

I mean my tee-shirt was soaked, I was breathing hard and I burned enough calories to eat a small apple. Y.I.P.P.E.E.

Stairmaster 1, Esther 0.


I’ve been running and slooooowly improving.

I’ve gotten a little faster and what I mean by that is that it’s getting harder for walkers to pass me.

And still I worry that I won’t reach my goal.  An arbitrary goal, that I set, but a goal I really want to reach – an easy 11 minute mile.

For almost two months, after my half marathon, I haven’t missed a run. I run at the gym or the park with and without friends. I’m running 4 days a week – some slow and some fast. And I do my Iron Strenth workouts once a week.

And I feel…frustrasted is not the word, it’s more like a very long sigh. I’m a little faster for sure, but I still want to shave minutes off my pace, not seconds.


Not running is really not an option, I’m a runner after all. So, I’ll keep at it.

Lately, I’ve been inspired by the Fat Girl Running blog by Mirna Valerio. I was excited to see she got a spread in the Wall Street Journal and is in the August issue of Runner’s World. She’s funny, super smart, black and a big woman who runs. She seems to worry little about her pace. She runs for the joy of running.

And I love to run, but I won’t lie.  I want to be faster. I know that an 11 minute mile isn’t really fast for most runners, but for me it’s the goal I cling to.